Early Morning Exercise
by Harry4nips
Summary: Vriska is cranky in the morning and only Equius can put up with her. Humanstuck. Trans headcanon. Blossoming romance. Written as a gift for a friend.


_BANG BANG BANG._

Vriska groaned audibly as she pulled the covers up over her head, trying to cocoon herself away from the noise. Who the ever-loving fuck was pounding on her door at this hour? From the brief glimpse of sunlight trickling into her room, she supposed it might not be as unreasonable a time as she argued it to be. But she wanted to wake up on her own nevertheless.

Nobody ever visited her anyway. Either she sought people out or didn't see anyone at all. Part of that was because she had so many enemies, and some of those enemies wouldn't waste the opportunity to egg her house or something if they knew where she lived. After confirming that all of her friends online (namely, Kanaya) were, in fact, stationed in a different time zone, only then did she allow her address to be known. _For gifts and surprise visits and shit like that, _she reminded herself,_ because who wouldn't do those things for me?_

_BANG BANG BANG._

Whoever was forcing her to get out of bed was in for some serious-

_Bang bang._

Alright, well whoever it was at least knew her personally. Adding an additional two knocks to total eight was most definitely one way to get her to stop bitching about leaving her warm sheets. "Crafty bastard," she mumbled.

With a loud (possibly unnecessarily so) groan and stretch, the red-headed girl made her way to the door. It had gone quiet on the outside, but she knew the person was still there. She reached out to the door with her good arm, remembering she'd forgotten to put in her glass eye beforehand. If it's who she suspected it was, it wouldn't matter; if it wasn't, they were in for a horrifying start as punishment.

"I can't tell if it's satisfying or disappointing that I knew you'd still be asleep when I arrived."

Vriska merely waved her hand dismissively. "Only stupid people are awake this early." Her tall friend stepped past her, as he was the only one allowed to do that without repercussion. It gave her the chance to rake her eye down his posterior. Damn, those shoulders always made her swoon- not that she'd say so.

"I'll have you know, I came an hour later than what we'd agreed upon."

She snapped her head in the direction of the nearest clock. "Wait, it's noon? Fuuuuuuuuck." He chuckled at her. "Oh shut the hell up, Zahhak, now what are we going to do?"

He set his bag down on the floor and flopped onto her couch, throwing his arms across the back. He looked casual, as though he were ready to hang out in lieu of work out. "My anticipation that you would reject the gym were probably spot-on as well." Tired eyes blinked at her for confirmation or denial.

"So what, we're not exercising now?" she asked, flopping across his lap.

He shrugged those broad, rugged shoulders. "I'm always ready to exercise. It isn't as if this is the first time we've changed plans last minute. It isn't the first time we've changed plans last minute due to your broken circadian rhythm, either." She punched his arm, but from her position, it wasn't more than a half-hearted fist/shoulder bump. "And, most likely, it won't be the last. The gym is open twenty-four hours. I was thinking you wake yourself up a little, and we could go from there."

Vriska sat up on her elbows and looked to her friend. Equius was the only one that ever succeeded in trying to get to know her and her habits. Sometimes it pissed her off, but most of the time it was endearing. Her eye wandered to his chest, which appeared remarkably flat at the moment. This brought a frown to her face. "You weren't planning on exercising in that."

He suddenly got tense and rubbed the back of his neck. "I've been assured that it's safe to exercise and even swim while in the binding. I-"

"Dude," she dropped her voice down an octave. "You have enough back problems. When's the last time you took it off?"

A tiny sweat broke out on his forehead. "My last shower."

"Last night? This morning? How long'd you have it on before then?" The man in question turned his head, suddenly very interested in the wall decorations. "I know you have body dystopia or whatever, but don't fuck yourself up trying to condense your pecs."

He snickered at her almost-correct verbiage.

"And it makes you sweat like a horse. Yuck."

"Don't speak of-"

"Yeah I know, 'majestic creatures' and shit like that. Say something else for a change." She flipped onto her back. "Besides. You know you don't have to wear it around me. If you couldn't tell, my eye is still in a cup of water by my bed."

Equius absent-mindedly swiped his hand through her copper hair. He liked playing with it, since his hair was wound into tight dreadlocks. "I know. And one day, I'll take you up on that offer."

"One day _before_ your surgery?"

The only answer he could give was another shrug. Sighing, Vriska decided to drop the conversation for now. There was no way he'd want to do anything outside of the house right now. She wished she was tired enough to fall asleep in his lap; every time it almost happened, some reason caused him to have to move away or her to have to get up. It wasn't a very big feat, but was very high up on her bucket list. _Maybe if he actually caught onto my flirting, he'd be more willing to sit still._

"How's that girlfriend of yours?"

The question was addressed in a level voice, but it made the man jump back at its suddenness. After realizing what she said, he jutted out his bottom lip. "Nepeta is merely a friend, and you know that darn well."

"Mhm, I do know that _darn_ well, but you spend, like every day with her. And you're always her date for some formal event."

"That's because her actual boyfriend is far too much of an anfractuous conduit to be bothered with formality. If association is anything to go by, I must reciprocate and ask how _your_ girlfriend is."

She huffed and turned on her side away from him. Vriska had had her chance with Kanaya and blew it. With her cute nose and wide smile and dainty voice and meddling in other peoples' business. It was only after that blonde bitch stepped in and swept her away on vampire wings did Kanaya admit she'd been flirting the entire length they'd known each other. The Serket girl had been too alarmed and too aggravated to be happy that one of her only friends had found love.

The rough pads of the boy's fingers massaged against her shoulder. He wasn't going to apologize, because she knew he didn't have anything to apologize for. "It's just frustrating, you know?"

"Yes, I know." He heaved her upright and enveloped her in a hug. Those massive biceps of his felt like a warm blanket. "I thought she was good for you, if I'm to be honest. But, even so, she made me hopeful that there are others out there like her. One in a million means there are six thousand nine hundred ninety-nine more Kanaya Maryams in the world."

She smiled despite herself. "Yeah, but are any of them hot Egyptian lesbians?"

"One out of seven thousand leads me to believe the likelihood of another Egyptian lesbian is in your favor."

"I said _hot_ Egyptian lesbian."

"Beggars can't be choosers, Serket." She feigned annoyance with a nose crinkle, and he kissed her temple with a grin. At that point, she didn't even hesitate to lace their fingers together.

"I wonder what all the other Equius Zahhaks are like. Big, beefy, black men with a weird cattle obsession. Seven thousand Equii, seven hundred thousand sweat glands."

"Seven thousands Vriskas, three-point-five thousand eyes." She dug her shoulder into his torso, trying to scrape the thermoplastic edge of her arm into his skin. "Hey, hey, ouch, I'll apologize if you will," he chuckled.

"Like hell! You're one rude-ass bitch, you know that son?"

"I learn from the best," he muttered, knowing the exact volume level that would piss her off greatest. He laughed aloud as he was absolutely correct and dodged the impending punch. As much as Vriska loathed to say it, and never did so out loud, she couldn't have asked for a better candidate to be her neighbor.


End file.
